A Tisket, A Tasket...

For the past few weeks I have been making fabric baskets. I hope to sell them and donate some of the proceeds to charity. (I've been experimenting with technique, color, size and shape, so I'd love your feedback, dear reader.)

My samples are beginning to collect everywhere, and I'm running out of places to put them. At this point they have taken over the supper table. It's been fascinating to see the reactions they evoke in visitors.

When women first seem them, there is an almost uniform tone of reverence in their voices. But then, I never met a woman who didn't love a basket, or containers in general for that matter. If you're like me, you have purchased a basket, a bowl or a bag, feeling like you had to have it, without knowing what you would put inside.

I suspect it's quite primal. We women are containers ourselves, aren't we? Doesn't every bowl or basket resonate with the womb inside us? Isn't a basket something that magical things spring from? Don't they represent the very spirit of giving life and holding abundance?

Now the men on the other hand: a completely different story. Every man who has seen the baskets has picked one up and put it on his head! Aside from the comic moment, I think there's something primal in the male response, too. Men are much more interested in what a thing can do, what it's good for.

These gender based responses are the manifestation of the tension between two forces within each of us, whether male or female. Within each of us are two opposing, competing sides, both of which need to be developed and nurtured, and both of which need to be reconciled with one another. We need to find balance between the expression of the two. They are called "agency" and "communion."

Agency is that side of us bold enough to venture out and do things on our own. It is that independent side. That innovative side. It is the assertive, sometimes aggressive side. It is the side that men come by more naturally than women do.

Then there is communion: that side of us that is relational, that cares for others, that serves, that gives, that holds. It is that interdependent, sometimes dependent side. Women come by communion more naturally than men.

But both genders need the development of both sides in order to be truly complete, mature, well-rounded. And it's not hard to see that the extreme over-emphasis of one side over the other can lead to problems. A woman who fails to develop her agency side will end up either being dependent on others to get her needs met or over-extending herself to others while neglecting her own needs. A man who is overly independent, will have no skills for being in a relationship, no ability to nurture his children.

Whenever you are feeling upset or uncomfortable, when something is the matter but you can't say what it is, try checking to see if there is balance between these two sides. You will usually find that you are over utilizing one side to the neglect of the other.

Sometimes you just need to check to see if you need a basket or a hat.

Copyright starfishdoc 2008