A Lesson in Humility from Hussey's

Last night I climbed into the driver's seat of some stranger's car.

It started out this way. Here it is mid-January, and every calendar in the house reads December 2007. I was becoming increasingly disoriented, nearly missing a professional breakfast meeting at which I was the featured speaker! Enough! I became a soldier on a mission.

I've been hooked on those beautiful poster calendars for years now. You know, the ones that have a single poster for each month that you hang in a box frame like a painting. So the free calendar from Hussey's General Store that reads, "If we ain't got it, you don't need it," and advertises their three top selling items - guns, wedding gowns, cold beer - just wasn't up to my refined (read "uppity") taste. So off to the upscale gift shop I went, with not a moment to spare before closing time.

I made it into the shop with five minutes left to closing and made my purchases. Mission accomplished. I had to step into a 3-foot snow bank to get from the sidewalk back out to my car. So intent was I on maneuvering through the snow, that I turned right instead of left, and got into the car in front of mine. (In my defense, they were both Subarus and both black.)

Although I sensed something was wrong, I didn't reach the right conclusion immediately. First, I noticed the smell. Every person's car has a unique scent: a mix of how much new car smell is left, and the driver's personal habits. Also, the seat was out of position. Next, I went to place my purchase on the passenger seat, and found that the seat was piled with stuff. I tend to keep my car free of clutter. And of course, at that point I began to realize that the "stuff" wasn't mine! But you know, even then I came to the wrong conclusion: I thought someone else had been in my car, not the reverse.

Finally, just as I was trying to put the key into the ignition, and realized the ignition had moved, I had that flash of true insight. It was followed by horror as I thought someone who knew I was not the owner of this car might think I was stealing it. (I don't want to make Maine sound like the wild west, but lots of people have gun racks around here, and taking justice into one's own hands is not out of the question.)

I must say, I jumped out of that car like my pants were on fire. And that's when I had the biggest shock. Taking up the back seat of the car I tried to hijack was a substantial German Shepherd! That dog never made a sound during my invasion. And good thing: I'm sure I would have fainted on the spot.

So, I'm left with some questions as a result of this event and a final concluding thought.

First, how unusual is it for people to get into the wrong car? Should I start packing my bags for a move to assisted care?

Second, isn't it amazing how much a car will tell you about a person? Maybe therapy sessions should be conducted there.

Third, did the owner find any traces of me? I hope not. There's no worse feeling than that sense of violation when someone has entered your personal space without permission.

And my final thought. There's a lot to learn at Hussey's, like, "If they ain't got it, I don't need it." Now pass me a cold beer.

copyright starfishdoc 2008