Part III: Projection - One Way Shadow Reveals Itself

I found myself muttering the other day, complaining to myself about a certain friend. We go back a long way, she and I. Throughout the friendship, I've harbored this little grudge that I am always the one to reach out, always the first to call when months or years have passed between contacts.

In my muttering state, I found myself painting her in unattractive colors: "withholding," "unfeeling," "fair-weather," "controlling." I heard the voice inside my head vowing that this time I would not be the first to break the silence. Even if it drove me mad and no matter how long it took, I would just wait for her to contact me. My escalating and exaggerated feelings of anger and frustration suggested I might have some shadow work to do. It didn't take long for me to realize that in my refusal to reach out, I was demonstrating those very qualities I was accusing her of!

The above is an example of shadow revealing itself through "projection." Think of projection as a psychological dart game. There is some other person you are feeling excessively upset with. That person is the dart board. You are the one slinging the darts, and as you throw each dart you throw an accusation, like "withholding," "unfeeling." In terms of shadow, the darts are attached to you by an invisible rubber band. Those darts are aspects of you. If you have the courage to draw them back to yourself, you can use them to do some important self examination.

In my case, I thought about the negative qualities I had projected onto her that were really my own. Admitting that I had the capacity to be all those things actually gave me the freedom not to be. The awareness gave me the ability to act in a way that represents my better qualities instead.

So I just picked up the phone and gave her a call. We had a lovely, long chat, catching up on one another's lives. And best of all, I got to hear her say, "Oh, I've been thinking of you! How nice of you to call! I'm not as good at remembering to call as you are. I'm glad you don't hold that against me."

Next time you find yourself getting really worked up about someone else's faults, consider that it might be your shadow talking. Withdraw the projection, take a look at what you should own as parts of yourself, and let better parts take over. You will be rewarded.


copyright 2008 starfishdoc