An introvert is a person who prefers his own company to the company of others. More specifically, what distinguishes introverts from extroverts is how they recharge their emotional batteries. After a stressful day, the introvert is rejuvenated by time alone, while the extrovert is more likely to meet friends at a bar to rehash the day's events.
Introverts are a distinct minority (of which I am a proud member) in our culture, making up only 20-25% of Americans. What makes that minority status challenging is that our culture favors extroverts and the qualities they possess, especially their social skills. Introverts tend to be aloof, prefer a few very select relationships, like to work alone, and dread parties. These are just some of the characteristics that draw judgment and criticism from extroverts who often find it difficult to understand us.
To make things more complicated, many introverts have no idea that they are introverts. As children, we were victims of attempts by well-meaning adults to make us more social, more likable, more, well - extroverted. If you are like me, you went through most of your life acting like an extrovert (probably not convincingly), while feeling inside like there was something wrong with you.
When I was in high school, I happily served as treasurer of my class for three years in a row. By some fluke, I was elected class president in my senior year. Suddenly high profile, thrown into the limelight, I was miserable! I couldn't understand why I hated the attention and status so much. If I had understood my introverted nature, I would have seen what a poor fit the role of class president was for me.
Even later as an adult, I felt the same self-doubt in social situations. Take the typical professional conference for example. I always dreaded the coffee break. It made me so nervous to try to mix and mingle with total strangers.
When an introvert lives life as a "pretend" or "wannabe" extrovert, it takes its toll on energy and self-esteem. Once I learned that I was an introvert, it put my whole life into perspective. I began to embrace my introverted qualities. I stopped doing the things that went against my nature. No more forcing myself to chat at those coffee breaks. Now I was free to take walks by myself instead.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be "an introvert in extrovert's clothing." You can find out by going to my website at http://www.starfishtherapy.com/pdf/introversion.pdf and taking the introvert quiz. Tell me about your experiences as an introvert in an extroverted culture.
Copyright 2007, starfishdoc
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8 comments:
as a child growing up i was concidered an extrovert because i used to dance and perform infront of anyone at anytime.....actually as an adult i've come to realize that i am really an introvert by nature and the realization is very comforting.....it used to be such an effort to socialize and i am awful at it!...thanks for the affirmation.
Anonymous,
Thanks for your personal story. It is further affirmation for others. I'll have plenty more to say about introversion, so stay tuned. I'll be looking for more of your feedback.
On the quiz I turned out to be moderately introverted. I sort of figured that ....hmmm I have to think about it
Yes, Punk Kitty,
It can be a lot to think about. You may be holding yourself accountable to extrovert standards, making life more difficult for you than it needs to be.
It *is* frustrating to live in an extrovert-dominated world. My supervisor at work is a highly extroverted person who doesn't understand us. I sometimes feel held hostage by extroverts!
Anonymous,
I like the way you put this. It *is* like being held hostage sometimes. Sounds like your supervisor needs a lesson on introversion. Perhaps you should email her this post! I'll be writing more about introversion in the future, so check back. Nice to have you aboard.
I am definitely an introvert...and I find myself sometimes still trying to be an extrovert....I stink at that. A walk in the woods, a good book, some quiet time and I feel more like myself.
Thanks, Pam M. You speak for all of us introverts!
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