I just had one of those Really Big Birthdays. You know, the kind that ends in a Zero. (Sorry, you'll have to do the math.)
I kept it pretty much a secret, because as an introvert, the last thing I wanted was a party. And a surprise party would be the worst.
No, what I wanted was a quiet time doing my favorite things with close friends. And I got what I asked for.
My two best friends drove five hours to spend the weekend with us. We spent most of our time settin' on the front porch solving the world's problems as well as our own. One of the things that makes us best friends is we don't mind listening to stories over again that we've told each other before. (Is that helping you with the math?)
We also had a wonderful dinner at a local bistro where we know the owners by name and they treat us like family. We toasted the occasion many, many times!
And the weekend was not without its excitement. After dinner we had to do catch and release on a bat that was performing acrobatics in our living room.
So what's this post really about? Two things. Really Big Birthdays and Introversion. And how the two go together.
When I was about eight months pregnant with my second child, I told my family that I absolutely did not want a baby shower. Despite their attempts to heed my request, one friend insisted. Worst of all, it was a surprise shower.
Introverts hate surprises. Introverts hate being in the limelight. I mean, really hate it, as in rather spend the day cleaning toilets.
Imagine my misery walking into a room full of people shouting "surprise!" and focusing all their attention on me! And I was in fact not surprised.
That's another thing about introverts. We are keen observers who rarely miss the subtle cues around us, such as someone talking a little too softly on the phone. So, I was not only miserable about going to the party, but now I felt the obligation to act surprised so my friend wouldn't be disappointed.
So, thanks to those who honored my desire for a quiet birthday, especially those who wanted to throw me a party but knew better. What finer gift than to be accepted and understood? What could feel more like love?
Moral of the story: if you want to help someone celebrate a special occasion, stop and walk around in their loafers. Especially if they are introverts. Help them celebrate in the way they would most desire it, not the way you think it should be done. They'll really be grateful.
Copyright 2007 starfishdoc
Showing posts with label introversion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introversion. Show all posts
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
A Primer on Introversion
An introvert is a person who prefers his own company to the company of others. More specifically, what distinguishes introverts from extroverts is how they recharge their emotional batteries. After a stressful day, the introvert is rejuvenated by time alone, while the extrovert is more likely to meet friends at a bar to rehash the day's events.
Introverts are a distinct minority (of which I am a proud member) in our culture, making up only 20-25% of Americans. What makes that minority status challenging is that our culture favors extroverts and the qualities they possess, especially their social skills. Introverts tend to be aloof, prefer a few very select relationships, like to work alone, and dread parties. These are just some of the characteristics that draw judgment and criticism from extroverts who often find it difficult to understand us.
To make things more complicated, many introverts have no idea that they are introverts. As children, we were victims of attempts by well-meaning adults to make us more social, more likable, more, well - extroverted. If you are like me, you went through most of your life acting like an extrovert (probably not convincingly), while feeling inside like there was something wrong with you.
When I was in high school, I happily served as treasurer of my class for three years in a row. By some fluke, I was elected class president in my senior year. Suddenly high profile, thrown into the limelight, I was miserable! I couldn't understand why I hated the attention and status so much. If I had understood my introverted nature, I would have seen what a poor fit the role of class president was for me.
Even later as an adult, I felt the same self-doubt in social situations. Take the typical professional conference for example. I always dreaded the coffee break. It made me so nervous to try to mix and mingle with total strangers.
When an introvert lives life as a "pretend" or "wannabe" extrovert, it takes its toll on energy and self-esteem. Once I learned that I was an introvert, it put my whole life into perspective. I began to embrace my introverted qualities. I stopped doing the things that went against my nature. No more forcing myself to chat at those coffee breaks. Now I was free to take walks by myself instead.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be "an introvert in extrovert's clothing." You can find out by going to my website at http://www.starfishtherapy.com/pdf/introversion.pdf and taking the introvert quiz. Tell me about your experiences as an introvert in an extroverted culture.
Copyright 2007, starfishdoc
Introverts are a distinct minority (of which I am a proud member) in our culture, making up only 20-25% of Americans. What makes that minority status challenging is that our culture favors extroverts and the qualities they possess, especially their social skills. Introverts tend to be aloof, prefer a few very select relationships, like to work alone, and dread parties. These are just some of the characteristics that draw judgment and criticism from extroverts who often find it difficult to understand us.
To make things more complicated, many introverts have no idea that they are introverts. As children, we were victims of attempts by well-meaning adults to make us more social, more likable, more, well - extroverted. If you are like me, you went through most of your life acting like an extrovert (probably not convincingly), while feeling inside like there was something wrong with you.
When I was in high school, I happily served as treasurer of my class for three years in a row. By some fluke, I was elected class president in my senior year. Suddenly high profile, thrown into the limelight, I was miserable! I couldn't understand why I hated the attention and status so much. If I had understood my introverted nature, I would have seen what a poor fit the role of class president was for me.
Even later as an adult, I felt the same self-doubt in social situations. Take the typical professional conference for example. I always dreaded the coffee break. It made me so nervous to try to mix and mingle with total strangers.
When an introvert lives life as a "pretend" or "wannabe" extrovert, it takes its toll on energy and self-esteem. Once I learned that I was an introvert, it put my whole life into perspective. I began to embrace my introverted qualities. I stopped doing the things that went against my nature. No more forcing myself to chat at those coffee breaks. Now I was free to take walks by myself instead.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be "an introvert in extrovert's clothing." You can find out by going to my website at http://www.starfishtherapy.com/pdf/introversion.pdf and taking the introvert quiz. Tell me about your experiences as an introvert in an extroverted culture.
Copyright 2007, starfishdoc
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