Seasoned

Yesterday, D made a comment about the woodpile as we sat having morning coffee on the porch. "Look at how much it has settled since we stacked it last month. It reminds me of how people settle into certain ways as they age."

He met this man long ago when he was working for a chiropractor as a novice massage therapist. The patient had been in a nasty accident. The combined work of the chiropractor and the massage therapist had given him back 90% of his physical functioning, but the man continued to lament, "When will I get back that last 10%?" D asked his boss what could be done for this unsatisfied customer. The doc responded: "The man is almost seventy. He's had a major accident. We've worked some miracles getting him to where he is. He's never going to get back that last 10%."

So it got me to thinking about having realistic expectations. Physical flexibility is a free gift to the young, but as you age you must exercise to maintain it. Even doing your best, you will lose some of it over time. But as physical flexibility wanes, it can be replaced by growing reserves of wisdom: a flexibility of the mind and heart. I say "can be" because if you focus only on your physical self and fail to develop your mental, spiritual and emotional qualities, you will be disappointed by the results.

I do not fret over the settling of the woodpile. I expect it. I won't call my wood guy to say that as a result of the settling, I didn't get my full cord. The wood is aging as it is supposed to.

If we set our expectations and our goals to be in keeping with nature's way, we won't be disappointed. In fact, that old wood will burn with a warm radiant glow come winter.


Copyright 2007 starfishdoc

Whisper Words of Wisdom....

I was reviewing my posts recently and was surprised to find a common theme running through them. It is about letting go and leaving things alone.

It came up in a conversation with a client last week. She's concerned about her daughter who is stuck in an unhealthy relationship. She asked me several times what she could do about her daughter's problem. Mostly, my answer was the same each time: don't do anything. If you do, you will deflect your daughter's attention away from grappling with the situation herself. Instead, she will put all her energy into defending the relationship and arguing with you.

Most of us have grown up in a society where exerting influence over people and events is highly valued. When faced with a problem, we believe we must "do something." So when I tell a client to let something go, the reaction is often: "What? There must be something I can do!"

If you haven't seen the movie, "What about Bob?" you must. Richard Dreyfus plays a self-important shrink who tries to go off on a family vacation. Bill Murray is a clinging, needy patient who follows him to Lake Winnipesaukee. No matter what the doc does to set limits and keep him at a distance, Bob sticks to him like flypaper. I think it illustrates in a most humorous way how our attempts to control others often backfire.

I am not immune to wanting to exert my will over events around me. I once led a weekly therapy group that met in a room with an assortment of comfortable chairs. One of them was a beanbag chair. Each week George would arrive early to secure the beanbag chair for himself. Shortly into each session, he would fall asleep and snore through the rest of the meeting! I thought I could take care of this by locking the beanbag chair in a closet. Wouldn't you know that the next week George showed up with his own beanbag chair in tow?

So I guess the message today is, next time you've got a problem and you're trying to think of what to do about it, ask yourself, "What would happen if I did nothing?" It may be best if you simply go with the flow. Listen to those great philosophers, the Beatles. "There will be an answer, let it be."



Copyright 2007 starfishdoc